Conviction - Forgiveness

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
Matthew 22:37-39

So lately I've had a lot time on my hands.  Due to my unemployment I have used my time to clean way more often, bake and cook!  I have spent countless hours applying for jobs and sending out my resumes that I'm pretty sure every HR manger in Orange County knows my name.  haha, kinda funny...kinda not...

With my excess of time on my hands I have gone through a hurricane of emotions from joy to despair and back again.  More and more I am feeling convicted with forgiveness.  I recently started attending my new church home Cross Pointe and immediately joined a small group with my husband.  Since attending I have felt so connected with God and I'm trying to get connected with people.  A recent small group study talked about God's love (similar to 98% of all church sermons) which I usually feel is over done.  But this study brought up some questions that really made me think and dig deep into myself.  Trying to remember the question completely - How have you used God's rule against people?  I think that's close.  Well the first person that popped into my mind was my ex-best friend.  Instead of loving on my friend when she needed it most and instead of listening to her needs, I shut her down and basically broke up with her because of her actions.  I did not extend her forgiveness and it has been over a year and a half since we've spoken or seen each other and I have to be honest; I miss her.

[ The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant ] 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  ²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

Matthew 18:20-22

Facebook has been the venue for people to reconnect with past friends and acquaintances some times to our joy and sometimes to our detriment.  I have clicked on "add friend" a few times and have ignored the bulk of some.  What is the gut reaction you have when you find a "people you may also know" suggestion of someone that betrayed you 15+ years ago?  As a teenager I was so utterly hurt by this person, discussed and we had a knock down drag out (verbal) fight with our parents present.  I was wrong to say what I did when I heard what she did.  As a teenager I crossed so many lines and because I felt hurt I felt it was my privilege to be just as hurtful.  Well, now that I'm an adult, I realize how wrong I was.

³⁴ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.³⁵ “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Matthew 18:34-35

About 9 years ago I had a strange part of my life.  I'm not sure what exactly was wrong with me, but I look back and think "wow, I was not nice to ** and ^^ or ## and @@".  I had a really hard time forgiving people back then, and now I'm curious, did they forgive me?  Did they forget about what I said/did?  Should we all agree to not talk about it ever again?  I don't want the past to haunt me as it has been for some time.

 ²⁸ Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter
 Matthew3:28

I have been convicted by my God to extend forgiveness to those I have sinned against and my own sin against me.  I have held on to hurt and bitterness that has eaten away at my heart not leaving much room for the Holy Spirit.  I want to say I'm sorry.  Do I call them? Email them? Write them? or hope they read this and hear my heart.  Or is this conviction here in my heart so that God can continue to work on me and help me through.  Healing is an important part of relationships both internal and external.  

My Bible verse I dedicate to my friendships old and new:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

And this is my Forgiveness conviction.  Thank you for reading.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9